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OP
- ED October
10, 2003: Pakistan In the book, Mahan Kosh, Bhai Kahn Singh Nabha writes that a girl was born in the village Pakhoke, district Gurdaspur to Moolchand Chand Khatri and Mata Chando. Her father was a pious Chona Khatri merchant, who was the tax collector (patwari) of his village. The year is not given, but on the basis of her year of marriage, one can guess that it was around 1473. The writer states that she was born with "super characteristics," but neglects to elaborate what these were. It is quite obvious that he was not too concerned about this child. He does state that she was named Sulakhani. Nothing could be found about her childhood or her education, but we know as fact that girls were not formerly educated in those days. If she had any training, it would have been in cooking, sewing, embroidery and house-keeping. Unfortunately, no one has bothered to record anything about her personal tastes, hobbies or interests. In 1969 Sikhs celebrated the 500th birth anniversary of their founder. The research was done at that time and some literature was produced. Professor Sahib Singh has written that: "Bhai Jai Ram was resident of Khanpur and was in the service of Nawab Daulat Khan for his official work, he used to go to Pakhoke village. There he talked to Shri Moolchand for the marriage of his daughter, and he readily agreed to it. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji was engaged on Visak 5, 1542, and the marriage took place on Harh 24, 1544." Guru Nanak Sahib Ji was 18 years old at the time of marriage. Mata Sulakhani Ji must have been about 14. Earlier writers have written many interesting stories
leading up to the wedding day. It seems that Guru Nanak Sahib Ji refused
to follow the marriage rituals dictated by the Brahmins of the day. He
stated that any time would be an auspicious time for the wedding. There
was no need to cast horoscopes as he was not superstitious. He consistently
tried to break old traditions. Moolchand became alarmed and refused to marry his daughter to Guru Nanak Sahib Ji. In those days, this would have been considered to be a major scandal. The news of this scandal spread quickly. Another gentleman, Shri Bhandari of the city of Batala offered his daughter for marriage with Guru Nanak Sahib Ji. But Moolchand did not wish Guru Nanak Sahib Ji to marry Bhandari's daughter. He thought that this could be interpreted as rejection of his daughter and, therefore, would be an insult to his family's honor. He conspired to kill Guru Nanak Sahib Ji instead. Moolchand arranged for the Brahmin priests to debate marriage rituals with the Guru Ji. They made him sit near a damaged wall. It had been raining and the winds were strong. Everyone expected the wall to collapse. The story goes that Mata Sulakhani Ji, not wishing to break her relationship after two-year engagement, sent an old woman to warn Guru Nanak Sahib Ji of the conspiracy. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji told the woman not to worry; the wall would not collapse for years to come. Indeed, that same wall stands today in Batala and a famous gurdwara has been built there to commemorate the spot. In 1487, the marriage finally did take place, and it did ignore the Brahmin rituals. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji and his bride took four rounds instead of the prescribed seven around the sacred fire. It is said that he also spoke a few words at the ceremony. Unfortunately, these words were not duly recorded and nothing has been written regarding Mata Sulakhani Ji's thoughts or sentiments on the subject. That the event had a profound effect on her can certainly be taken for granted. At any rate, the marriage party and celebrations were a grand and impressive event attended by the rich and influential people of that time. Early writers have indicated that it was a most grand affair as befitted the daughter of the town's tax collector. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji lived with Mata Sulakhani Ji at Nankana
Sahib for fourteen years. Once again, he broke the conventions of the
time, by living apart from both his family and hers. His sister Bebe Nanaki
Ji would try to neutralize any criticism by explaining to one and all,
that her brother needed his own space, and a lot of it, because of all
the people who were constantly drawn to him, to listen to his teaching.
During those fourteen years, Mata Sulakhani Ji gave birth
to two sons, Shri Chand and Lakhmi Das. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji took great
interest in his family and gave them his love and attention. He demonstrated
by his actions, his personal commitment to his teachings; that salvation
is reached best through a married family life. His teaching of the equality
of women must have also been demonstrated by the way he treated his wife.
Mata Sulakhani Ji's self-esteem and happiness grew each day. She, in turn,
supported his mission, participative in hymn singing (kirtan), and working
endlessly to feed the crowds that came to listen to her husband. When Guru Nanak Sahib Ji was approximately 30 years old
he sat in meditation at the bank of the Vanyi River for three days in
prayer, he emerged saying "There is no Hindu, no Muslim." Then
he returned to the place of employment, resigning his post. He gave away
all he had to the poor and prepared to set out on foot to bring his teachings
to the world at large. Many authors have described this incident. Mata
Sulakhani Ji is reported to have complained of his absence to her sister-in-law.
Most writers make this appear as a negative incident with the wife whining
and being unreasonable. However, one must ask, was it indeed unreasonable?
Any woman would worry if her husband suddenly disappeared for three days.
What the incident demonstrates is that Sulakhani had enough self-esteem
and courage that she was not afraid to speak to her sister-in-law. In
the customs of those days, that was not easily done. Mata Sulakhani Ji
took the initiative to tell Guru Nanak Sahib Ji's family as well as her
own, that he was missing. How they all must have rejoiced when he reappeared
three days later. Throughout this period, though he lived a relatively quiet
life, Guru Nanak Sahib Ji continued to question Brahmin rituals and to
rebel against them. He became quite well-known. His sister Bebe Nanaki
and Rai Bhullar, the Choudhry of the area, proclaimed him "Messenger
of God." His following grew. It is about this time that he met Mardana,
a minstrel from Talwandi, who soon became his friend and companion. They
spent many evenings together, composing and singing sweet hymns to God.
Bhai Bhagirath also came from Mailasi, near Multan, and stayed with him
for a while, as a sort of disciple. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji's teaching life
was beginning. At this point, Bebe Nanaki gave him a rabab, or rebeck, a musical instrument with which he accompanied himself in singing hymns of praise of the one true God. A rabab was a stringed instrument, which was of Arabian origin, and was very popular in Northern India at the time. It had four to six strings made of goat gut, with corresponding steel strings underneath which provided resonance. It looked somewhat similar to our modern mandolin. With time, it fell into disuse in India, though it remains popular in Arabic music. In providing her brother with a rabab, and later his companion Mardana with another, Bebe Nanaki Ji helped Guru Nanak Sahib Ji establish a musical tradition in the Sikh religion from the very start. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji's disregard for Brahmin rituals must
have caused havoc in his private life. All his piety did not impress his
parents who did not understand what they considered to be his rebelliousness.
His father-in-law would have preferred a more conventional mate for his
daughter. While everyone around them lived in a joint family arrangement,
Guru Nanak Sahib Ji, his wife and children lived separate from all. Every
time he refused to observe Brahmin rituals, every time he scorned an accepted
custom or tradition, it would have been Mata Sulakhani Ji who would have
had to face the scorn of her neighbors and family. Still, he was consistent
in denouncing any injustice, any custom based on caste, any tradition
that discriminated against any one at all. Mata Sulakhani Ji had the benefit of listening to Guru Nanak Sahib ji's preaching and his discussions with many strangers. She did not travel with him, as their children were very young when he went way. Traveling was most difficult in those days. But she did most certainly benefit by listening to the many people who constantly came to her house seeking to hear the Guru speak. It was an education that is envied by all. At the age of 32, after making arrangements for the well-being
of his family, Guru Nanak Sahib Ji left for his religious tours of preaching
the doctrines of his mission. His boys were five and six years old at
the time. Before leaving, he made sure that his growing congregation of
disciples would also be cared for. It was important that they not disband
and lose faith in his absence. He left his wife with the task of being
their spiritual and moral support until such time as he was able to return.
Thus, it can be deduced that Mata Sulakhani Ji, a woman, was the first
preacher and guardian of the new faith. She was assigned the task of making
sure that the congregation (Panth) stays on the path given them by their
founder. Bebe Nanaki Ji took Shri Chand, the oldest boy and adopted him
as her own son. This type of arrangement was a quite common and accepted
custom at that time. Mata Sulakhani Ji understood why her husband had to leave.
With Baba Budha at her side, she looked after the needs of the small congregation.
The tradition of hymn-singing continued, and with it, the need to feed
all who came (langar). Guru Nanak Sahib Ji had taught the need to work
with his own hands. Mata Sulakhani Ji kept that teaching alive in the
community. She did all the household chores herself. Nothing was beneath
her. She looked after her son, did the kitchen chores and looked after
the animals. Though she undoubtedly was lonely, she waited patiently.
When Bebe Nanaki Ji and Jai Ram died suddenly only three
days of each other, Sulakhani Ji took back her eldest son and continued
with her daily chores of looking after the fledgling group of devotees
and contributed fully to the mission of her husband. In his first journey, Guru Nanak Sahib Ji reached Dhubri in Kamrup (Assam) via Bengal. Nur Shah was the queen. At first she tried to tempt him in every way possible. But soon, Nur Shah was deeply moved by the soul-stirring message of Nanak, and stood before him with joined palms, beseeching him to forgive her past and to accept her as his disciple. This the Guru did, training her to become his main preacher in Assam. Thus, Nur Shah was trained by Guru Nanak Sahib Ji himself and became the second known female preacher of Sikhism. Here again we see Guru Nanak Sahib Ji's commitment to the equality of women. It was he, right from the very beginning, which first trained women to take their equal share of responsibility of this new religion. In January of 15l6, after eight years of constant travel,
Guru Nanak Sahib Ji returned from his first journey. At the age of 46,
he settled on the present site of Kartarpur and took up farming. He consoled
his aging parents by bringing them to live with him for nearly two years.
Though they were upset by his continued disregard for caste rules and
social order, they could not help but be impressed by the fact that he
had thousands of men and women of every class seeking to hear him speak.
He was their Guru. Late in 1517, Guru Nanak Sahib Ji and Bhai Mardana Ji
once more set out and resumed their journey. Eventually, Guru Nanak Sahib
Ji returned from his travels and established the new city of Kartarpur.
He farmed to earn his livelihood and dressed himself as an ordinary householder
of the day. His followers multiplied and people came to listen to him
from great distances. He regularly preached to the crowds, teaching all
to live in this world, in the present tense, which is, in fact, the only
reality, and to work with their own hands, while at the same time to remember
God in their thoughts, praying for nothing more than God's grace. His
strong personal attraction came from the message of love, a playful sense
of humor and his persuasive words, which were always simple, straightforward
and easy for all to understand. When his time had come in 1539, he chose to leave responsibility
of his mission with a devoted disciple, Bhai Lahina Ji. Historians have
recorded that the Guru's wife objected strongly to his choice. Their eldest
son, Shri Chand had a reputation of saintliness, and was respected and
liked by all. Like many others, Mata Sulakhani Ji had expected that he
would be the rightful heir. She went to the Guru with her two sons and
asked what would become of her and them, if Lahina was to be named the
second Guru. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji replied simply that she should put her
trust in God. Was Mata Sulakhani Ji impertinent or did she show ignorance
by asking this question? I think not. On the contrary, at a time when
women were completely subjugated by men, none would dare to question their
husband's decisions. Here we see proof positive that Guru Nanak Sahib
Ji did indeed have high regard for his family. He must have been very
respectful to his wife, so much so, that she had the freedom to ask what
she felt was important. Her self-esteem allowed her to find the courage
to seek answers when she had a question. In his answer, Guru Nanak Sahib
Ji was not rebuking her or putting her down. He had made a decision. Bhai
Lahina Ji was better suited to be the next Guru. It was a very simple
statement; the rest was up to God. Early writers have recorded that after Guru Nanak Sahib
Ji's death, Mata Sulakhani Ji spent the rest of her life in Kartarpur,
contributing as always to the establishment of Sikh values and traditions.
As wife of the first Guru, her role was an important one and she filled
it well.
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